Cronnie Wisdom

Crone is "a phase in which you can be more authentic, more capable of making a difference in your family and in the greater world. Life gives you experience, and when you draw from it, that's true wisdom. By the time a woman is in her crone years, she is in an amazing position to be an influence. To change things for the better, to bring what she knows into a situation, to be able to say, 'Enough is enough.' You don't have to just go along with things, which is often a part of the middle years. You're often something of a loose cannon."
Jean Shinoda Bolen


Monday, August 2, 2021

"The Hyena in the Grassland" - a Syrian Folktale

 


 

I’ve been reading the book "Grandmother's Stories: Tales from Old Syria” by Reda Al-Dabbagh.  These are modern interpretations of Syrian folktales with female protagonists.  Several include the wise crone. My favorite so far is the story “The Hyena in the Grasslands.”  Because this book is still under copyright, I will summarize it for you here, with the hope that you’ll be able to read this book yourself someday.

There was once a little girl who behaved so badly that her mother sent her to live with her elderly aunt.  Yet even this did not change her.  The girl lied and stole and continued to do so at her aunt’s house.  She even took and hid her aunt’s cane.  When the old woman confronted the girl, she stamped her foot in rage.

I hate you!” she screamed. “I’m going home to my mother.” 

Her aunt tried to calm her.  It was sunset and not safe for the girl to walk home through the grasslands.  But instead, she rushed out of the house and soon found herself deep in the grass with the sky growing darker.  Suddenly, the girl heard an unexpected noise and found herself being circled by a large hyena with sharp teeth.  He appeared to be very hungry.  Acting as brave as she could, the girl asked the hyena if he knew the way to her mother’s house. 

“Oh, I know the way,” the hyena snarled, “And I’ll take you there on one condition.  If your mother won’t let you in, you will be my dinner!” 

The girl agreed.  There was nothing else she could do.  They made their way together through the darkness.

“Now, remember,” the hyena said. “You have three tries.  If your mother doesn’t let you in, then I’m eating you for dinner.”  He licked his lips just thinking about it.

The girl knocked on the front door.  It was late at night, and her mother was fast asleep. She didn’t stir.

“Yum, two more tries,” the hyena snickered.

This time the girl knocked even louder. 
“Mother, let me in!”  she yelled.  “Please let me in!”

This time her mother sleepily replied, “My daughter is with her aunt.  I don’t know who you are, so go away!”

The hyena moved closer, “Only one more try now, sweetie.”

In a panic the girl began to bang on the door.  “Mom, Mom!  Let me in.  There is a hungry hyena out here who will eat me if you don’t!”

“Well,” the mother replied.  “You sound like my daughter for she is always telling lies.  But if you are her, you probably disobeyed your aunt, so you can just wait on the doorsteps until morning.”

“Ah, ha!”  Before the girl knew what was happening, the hyena leapt upon her and bit off her left foot.  “I’m going to start at the bottom and work my way to the top!” he said. But just before he was took another bite, someone came out of the darkness.  Then with a crack and a few thumps, the hyena was dead.

Standing before the girl was her aunt, who had hit the hyena with her cane.

When they finally made their way inside, the aunt explained that she had been worried and had followed the girl home.  She was only sorry she hadn’t arrived sooner.  Her mother was equally sorry that she had not let her in.  But the sorriest one of all was the young girl.  She understood that her fate was of her own making and pledged to change her behavior. She promised to no long lie, steal, or have tantrums. And because she was true to her word, her aunt gave her the walking stick. It helped her move better with her remaining foot and was a constant reminder of her brush with the hyena.

The story is reminiscent of “Little Red Riding Hood.”  It’s a cautionary tale of unexpected danger. In each story, the young girl engages in conversation with her predator.  In “Little Red Riding Hood,” the wolf is disguised as her grandmother; but in this story, the hyena is in plain sight.  Evil is right before her.  There is no wood cutter to save her, and her fate seems certain. 

That is, until her elderly aunt comes to the rescue. The story may be about the girl, but it is the crone who becomes the unexpected hero.  She lives some distance away but agrees to take on a troubled child.  Perhaps her mom just needed a break.  Many parents of rebellious teens would love to have that option.  I imagine the aunt volunteering. Perhaps her children are grown and gone. Perhaps her experience is needed.

Sadly, the girl has not been in the house long before the first confrontation. The child is scolded for her bad behavior and she runs away defiant. The aunt follows her knowing there are dangers in the grassland. She is old and decrepit. She walks with a cane but this does not deter her. Her way is only a bit slower, for she must know the grasslands well.  Nevertheless, she makes her way just in time to save the life of the girl.  It is a surprising moment of female heroism to be found in a folktale.  No one would have been surprised if she did nothing. Crones are unexpected heroes at best in these stories. Still, there is sadness and a yearning for what might have been - if only she had arrived a few minutes sooner.

However, the aunt doesn’t wallow in what might have been.  She’s there watching the girl and when the time is right, she gives her the walking stick as a gift.  It’s the perfect symbol of both her defiance and the love that saved her. And of course, the crone knew that all along.

What does this story have to teach us today? Sometimes we are called upon by others - family and friends who need our experience and knowledge. As crones, we are ready to answer their call. But please be aware that this is not the crone meddling in the lives of others.  It's a knowing of when to step in and when to stay out, waiting and watching. She is living her own life, but still ready to help and be of service when asked. 

The crone did the best she could with the girl, but things don’t always work out as planned.  After arguing with her, the aunt didn’t stew in anger.  She didn’t sit down and pout.  The crone knew there was danger and rushed out after the girl.  Life experience is of value here. There are real dangers in the grassland.  I’m sure tales were told about it. It’s in the history of the land.  The aunt knew it all so well.

Yet, the girl’s mother is still too young to recognize the danger facing her daughter.  She stays in bed and allows her to wait through the night on the front steps. But with age comes experience. There is a reason grandmothers live long lives beyond their reproductive years.  There is a reason for the maiden, mother, crone archetype. The world needs the crone now more than ever.

The crone knows evil and is ready to face and confront it when called upon. So to all you gray haired ladies who think that life is behind them.  Don’t sit down in your rocking chair waiting for the grim reaper!  There is much to be done and all of the universe has conspired to bring you to this very moment. Whether we call this spirit, luck or evolution, you are here for a reason. Let’s all pick up our canes and get to work!

 

Sunday, July 18, 2021

The Story of Naomi

 

 


“The Story of Naomi” is found in the book of Ruth (from the New Revised Standard Version (NRSV) of the Bible).

In the days when the judges ruled, there was a famine in the land, and a certain man of Bethlehem in Judah went to live in the country of Moab, he and his wife and two sons.  The name of the man was Elimelech and the name of his wife Naomi, and the names of his two sons were Mahlon and Chilion; they were Ephrathites from Bethlehem in Judah. They went into the country of Moab and remained there.  But Elimelech, the husband of Naomi, died, and she was left with her two sons.  These took Moabite wives; the name of the one was Orpah and the name of the other Ruth. When they had lived there about ten years,  both Mahlon and Chilion also died, so that the woman was left without her two sons and her husband. Then she started to return with her daughters-in-law from the country of Moab, for she had heard in the country of Moab that the Lord had considered his people and given them food.  So she set out from the place where she had been living, she and her two daughters-in-law, and they went on their way to go back to the land of Judah.  But Naomi said to her two daughters-in-law, “Go back each of you to your mother’s house. May the Lord deal kindly with you, as you have dealt with the dead and with me.  The Lord grant that you may find security, each of you in the house of your husband.” Then she kissed them, and they wept aloud.  They said to her, “No, we will return with you to your people.”  But Naomi said, “Turn back, my daughters, why will you go with me? Do I still have sons in my womb that they may become your husbands? Turn back, my daughters, go your way, for I am too old to have a husband. Even if I thought there was hope for me, even if I should have a husband tonight and bear sons,  would you then wait until they were grown? Would you then refrain from marrying? No, my daughters, it has been far more bitter for me than for you, because the hand of the Lord has turned against me.”  Then they wept aloud again. Orpah kissed her mother-in-law, but Ruth clung to her.

So she said, “See, your sister-in-law has gone back to her people and to her gods; return after your sister-in-law.”  But Ruth said,

“Do not press me to leave you
    or to turn back from following you!
Where you go, I will go;
    where you lodge, I will lodge;
your people shall be my people,
    and your God my God.
Where you die, I will die—
    there will I be buried.
May the Lord do thus and so to me,
    and more as well,
if even death parts me from you!”

When Naomi saw that she was determined to go with her, she said no more to her.

So the two of them went on until they came to Bethlehem. When they came to Bethlehem, the whole town was stirred because of them; and the women said, “Is this Naomi?”  She said to them,

“Call me no longer Naomi,
    call me Mara,
    for the Almighty has dealt bitterly with me.
 I went away full,
    but the Lord has brought me back empty;
why call me Naomi
    when the Lord has dealt harshly with me,
    and the Almighty has brought calamity upon me?”

So Naomi returned together with Ruth the Moabite, her daughter-in-law, who came back with her from the country of Moab. They came to Bethlehem at the beginning of the barley harvest.

Now Naomi had a kinsman on her husband’s side, a prominent rich man, of the family of Elimelech, whose name was Boaz.  And Ruth the Moabite said to Naomi, “Let me go to the field and glean among the ears of grain, behind someone in whose sight I may find favor.” She said to her, “Go, my daughter.”  So she went. She came and gleaned in the field behind the reapers. As it happened, she came to the part of the field belonging to Boaz, who was of the family of Elimelech.  Just then Boaz came from Bethlehem. He said to the reapers, “The Lord be with you.” They answered, “The Lord bless you.”  Then Boaz said to his servant who was in charge of the reapers, “To whom does this young woman belong?”  The servant who was in charge of the reapers answered, “She is the Moabite who came back with Naomi from the country of Moab.  She said, ‘Please, let me glean and gather among the sheaves behind the reapers.’ So she came, and she has been on her feet from early this morning until now, without resting even for a moment.”

Then Boaz said to Ruth, “Now listen, my daughter, do not go to glean in another field or leave this one, but keep close to my young women.  Keep your eyes on the field that is being reaped, and follow behind them. I have ordered the young men not to bother you. If you get thirsty, go to the vessels and drink from what the young men have drawn.”  Then she fell prostrate, with her face to the ground, and said to him, “Why have I found favor in your sight, that you should take notice of me, when I am a foreigner?”  But Boaz answered her, “All that you have done for your mother-in-law since the death of your husband has been fully told me, and how you left your father and mother and your native land and came to a people that you did not know before.  May the Lord reward you for your deeds, and may you have a full reward from the Lord, the God of Israel, under whose wings you have come for refuge!” Then she said, “May I continue to find favor in your sight, my lord, for you have comforted me and spoken kindly to your servant, even though I am not one of your servants.”

At mealtime Boaz said to her, “Come here, and eat some of this bread, and dip your morsel in the sour wine.” So she sat beside the reapers, and he heaped up for her some parched grain. She ate until she was satisfied, and she had some left over. When she got up to glean, Boaz instructed his young men, “Let her glean even among the standing sheaves, and do not reproach her. You must also pull out some handfuls for her from the bundles, and leave them for her to glean, and do not rebuke her.”

So she gleaned in the field until evening. Then she beat out what she had gleaned, and it was about an ephah of barley. She picked it up and came into the town, and her mother-in-law saw how much she had gleaned. Then she took out and gave her what was left over after she herself had been satisfied.  Her mother-in-law said to her, “Where did you glean today? And where have you worked? Blessed be the man who took notice of you.” So she told her mother-in-law with whom she had worked, and said, “The name of the man with whom I worked today is Boaz.”  Then Naomi said to her daughter-in-law, “Blessed be he by the Lord, whose kindness has not forsaken the living or the dead!” Naomi also said to her, “The man is a relative of ours, one of our nearest kin.” Then Ruth the Moabite said, “He even said to me, ‘Stay close by my servants, until they have finished all my harvest.’”  Naomi said to Ruth, her daughter-in-law, “It is better, my daughter, that you go out with his young women, otherwise you might be bothered in another field.”  So she stayed close to the young women of Boaz, gleaning until the end of the barley and wheat harvests; and she lived with her mother-in-law.

Naomi her mother-in-law said to her, “My daughter, I need to seek some security for you, so that it may be well with you.  Now here is our kinsman Boaz, with whose young women you have been working. See, he is winnowing barley tonight at the threshing floor.  Now wash and anoint yourself, and put on your best clothes and go down to the threshing floor; but do not make yourself known to the man until he has finished eating and drinking.  When he lies down, observe the place where he lies; then, go and uncover his feet and lie down; and he will tell you what to do.”  She said to her, “All that you tell me I will do.”

 So she went down to the threshing floor and did just as her mother-in-law had instructed her. When Boaz had eaten and drunk, and he was in a contented mood, he went to lie down at the end of the heap of grain. Then she came stealthily and uncovered his feet, and lay down.  At midnight the man was startled, and turned over, and there, lying at his feet, was a woman! He said, “Who are you?” And she answered, “I am Ruth, your servant; spread your cloak over your servant, for you are next-of-kin.” He said, “May you be blessed by the Lord, my daughter; this last instance of your loyalty is better than the first; you have not gone after young men, whether poor or rich.  And now, my daughter, do not be afraid, I will do for you all that you ask, for all the assembly of my people know that you are a worthy woman.  But now, though it is true that I am a near kinsman, there is another kinsman more closely related than I.  Remain this night, and in the morning, if he will act as next-of-kin for you, good; let him do it. If he is not willing to act as next-of-kin for you, then, as the Lord lives, I will act as next-of-kin for you. Lie down until the morning.”

So she lay at his feet until morning, but got up before one person could recognize another; for he said, “It must not be known that the woman came to the threshing floor.”  Then he said, “Bring the cloak you are wearing and hold it out.” So she held it, and he measured out six measures of barley, and put it on her back; then he went into the city. She came to her mother-in-law, who said, “How did things go with you,] my daughter?” Then she told her all that the man had done for her,  saying, “He gave me these six measures of barley, for he said, ‘Do not go back to your mother-in-law empty-handed.’”  She replied, “Wait, my daughter, until you learn how the matter turns out, for the man will not rest, but will settle the matter today.”

No sooner had Boaz gone up to the gate and sat down there than the next-of-kin, of whom Boaz had spoken, came passing by. So Boaz said, “Come over, friend; sit down here.” And he went over and sat down.  Then Boaz took ten men of the elders of the city, and said, “Sit down here”; so they sat down.  He then said to the next-of-kin, “Naomi, who has come back from the country of Moab, is selling the parcel of land that belonged to our kinsman Elimelech. So I thought I would tell you of it, and say: Buy it in the presence of those sitting here, and in the presence of the elders of my people. If you will redeem it, redeem it; but if you will not, tell me, so that I may know; for there is no one prior to you to redeem it, and I come after you.” So he said, “I will redeem it.”  Then Boaz said, “The day you acquire the field from the hand of Naomi, you are also acquiring Ruth the Moabite, the widow of the dead man, to maintain the dead man’s name on his inheritance.”  At this, the next-of-kin said, “I cannot redeem it for myself without damaging my own inheritance. Take my right of redemption yourself, for I cannot redeem it.”

Now this was the custom in former times in Israel concerning redeeming and exchanging: to confirm a transaction, the one took off a sandal and gave it to the other; this was the manner of attesting in Israel.  So when the next-of-kin said to Boaz, “Acquire it for yourself,” he took off his sandal.  Then Boaz said to the elders and all the people, “Today you are witnesses that I have acquired from the hand of Naomi all that belonged to Elimelech and all that belonged to Chilion and Mahlon.  I have also acquired Ruth the Moabite, the wife of Mahlon, to be my wife, to maintain the dead man’s name on his inheritance, in order that the name of the dead may not be cut off from his kindred and from the gate of his native place; today you are witnesses.” Then all the people who were at the gate, along with the elders, said, “We are witnesses. May the Lord make the woman who is coming into your house like Rachel and Leah, who together built up the house of Israel. May you produce children in Ephrathah and bestow a name in Bethlehem;  and, through the children that the Lord will give you by this young woman, may your house be like the house of Perez, whom Tamar bore to Judah.”

So Boaz took Ruth and she became his wife. When they came together, the Lord made her conceive, and she bore a son.  Then the women said to Naomi, “Blessed be the Lord, who has not left you this day without next-of-kin; and may his name be renowned in Israel!  He shall be to you a restorer of life and a nourisher of your old age; for your daughter-in-law who loves you, who is more to you than seven sons, has borne him.”  Then Naomi took the child and laid him in her bosom, and became his nurse.  The women of the neighborhood gave him a name, saying, “A son has been born to Naomi.” They named him Obed; he became the father of Jesse, the father of David.

Now these are the descendants of Perez: Perez became the father of Hezron,  Hezron of Ram, Ram of Amminadab,  Amminadab of Nahshon, Nahshon of Salmon,  Salmon of Boaz, Boaz of Obed,  Obed of Jesse, and Jesse of David.

There are few stories of women in the Bible and fewer still where they become the protagonist. The story of Naomi and Ruth is an exception. While it comes from the “Book of Ruth,” it is the older woman Naomi who leads the story.

The tale begins with a famine forcing Naomi’s family to move from her homeland in Judah to Moab.  When her husband dies, she is left with two sons who marry Moabite wives.  Yet sadly, her sons die without children. Naomi is an outsider, a woman living in a foreign land.  In desperation she decides to return to her homeland for the famine is now over. Surprisingly, her daughter-in-laws decide to go with her, although Naomi tries to convince them otherwise.  She has nothing to offer these women and no life planned for herself.  Ultimately, it is only Ruth who decides to go with Noami to Bethlehem.  

But Naomi returns to Judah a different woman than when she left.  She changes her name from Naomi (“pleasant”) to Mara (“bitter”).  Having a husband and two sons dead is just too much for her.  No one can bear that much suffering silently.  Naomi believes that her God has turned against her.   Jacqueline Lapsely writes of Naomi and her similarity with Job. She argues that under patriarchy, Job’s suffering is considered noble while Naomi’s is not.  She rightly identifies that the cultural biases that work against assertive and older women, seek to silence Naomi. (“Seeing the Older Woman Naomi in High Definition.”)

We expect women to take their suffering in stride.  Instead, when Naomi calls herself Mara, she speaks out about her life of pain and trauma.  Is she truly angry with God or is it instead the world which limits the opportunities for women?  It’s a world more than ready to throw an older woman away.

The only option, for women, of that day, was to find a home with a man.  It’s a patriarchal society.  Without a husband or sons, the prospects for women were dim.  Fortunately, Naomi is a wise crone.  She knows how to manipulate the patriarchal system.  She knows Boaz is an honorable man.  If he thinks he has dishonored Ruth, he will marry her.  And she was right.

As a modern reader, we don’t like this part of the story.  Isn’t there some other option – a way that the two women could make their way independently in the world? Why won’t Boaz change his bachelor ways without the need for trickery?  Neither seems likely to happen.  More than two thousand years later, marriage continues to be the only solution for many women.  Even in the richest country in the world, two salaries are often needed to survive.  Being married gives women a sense of security that being single does not. 

This isn’t anything new.  We see wise crones in many stories bringing couples together and creating the circumstances for “happily ever after.” And it’s always the young women they are helping. Vasilissa’s grandmother brings her to the attention of the Czar.  A fairy godmother sets things in motion for Cinderella.  The crone’s “unexpected” meeting with a count brings him into the life of “the Goose Girl at the Well.” Naomi continues to plot the narrative and secure Boaz as a husband for Ruth.   She seeks security through marriage, for its the only option in a patriarchal world.

So who is Naomi? She’s mentor and teacher.  She must be kind, for Ruth followed her unquestionably to a new land, knowing she would be at risk as an outsider.  Are Naomi and Ruth rivals? Friends? Both are widows on their own.  Ruth can still bear children and yet when she does, the story attributes the child to Naomi as the elder in the family.  There is no doubt that Naomi is a wise crone. She reads people and circumstances well.  She creates a new and better life when circumstances are the most desperate.

Sister Joan Chittister writes, “The moment we become conscious that we are no longer young, we become an even more valuable resource to other women in our lives than we ever were before.  Without Naomi – her wisdom, her strength, her determination – Ruth was nothing but a possibility waiting to happen.  It is Naomi who walked her through life.  It is Naomi who showed her the God of becoming.  It is Naomi who showed her that life was to be shaped, not simply endured.  It is Naomi who taught her how to deal with a world that had little inkling to deal with women at all.” (The Story of Ruth: Twelve Moments in Every Woman’s Life.)

Now, that is a wise crone.